just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
