Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize