I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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