Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
