Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
