just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
