OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
