Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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