Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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