guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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