you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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