Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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