everyone is single if you try hard enough
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
