Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
