this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
