I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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