He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Shame - the story of my life.
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