what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Randomize
