1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
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