You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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