So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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