I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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