i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
