Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
