so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
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