I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
