Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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