I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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