She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
