can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
my being single is dangerous.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
