Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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