So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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