I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
