She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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