Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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