Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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