i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
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