I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
