I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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