I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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