when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
