I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Randomize
