i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
