I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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