So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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