so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
