umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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