You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
