i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize