please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
there is glitter all over my balls
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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