I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Randomize
