he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
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