i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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