we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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