you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
