I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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