i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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