She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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