Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
