question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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