You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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