i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
