Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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