you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
