Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Michael Bay diarrhea
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We're too hungover to prance.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
