do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
