Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
