he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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