i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
