I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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