Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
