and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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