I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize