also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Randomize
