I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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