I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
