Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
