I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
