so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Drunk is not a location!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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