he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
